Barack 'The Finance Wiz' Obama

"Together, we can prepare young people to tackle financial challenges - from learning how to budget responsibly to saving for college, starting a business, or opening a retirement account."

Damn, I wish Barack Obama had been around when I was a kid to give me such sage financial advice...Things like:

1.  'Ok kiddo, here's the deal, go crack skulls on rich people and put the contents of their wallet in your piggy bank for a rainy day.'

2.  'Alright you young pup, I know you won't make more than you spend, so just look for a China-man to give you big ol' loans you have no intention of paying back.'

3.  'Young man, hear me well.  This is the best advice you'll ever get.  When times are tough and you can't pay for college or a business don't get down.  Never get down young man.  Hear me well, the key to financial success is buying lots of ink and cloth, and starting your own printing press.  Just go all Ben Bernanke and print greenbacks until your hopes and dreams are fulfilled.'

And if those three pieces of advice didn't do the trick I'd have to get a little desperate and follow his final word of advice:

4.  'Boy, I say boy.  Listen up.  Things may be tough, and you've followed my first three steps of financial advice to no avail, but here's one which never fails.  Sneak into a generous, open country and go on their welfare!  I'm sure they'd love throwing money at you and say you are simply there to do the work their people won't do.'

But I was born far too long ago for such genius advice.  Shucks!